When looking at the first and second-choice existences I’ve referred to in several places, why is it that we can say the first-choice existence serves everyone, and automatically, as opposed to living a second-choice existence that serves no one, not even ourselves?
Let’s start by looking at the second-choice existence: where our Factor-x is the driving force in our lives, and our lives are a quest to disprove that our Factor-x indeed exists. In a second-choice existence, the lives we then live aren’t based on us being free to live and choose as our heart desires, but rather are dictated by what we thought, at some point, was fact. But as stated elsewhere, Factor-x’s origin is merely a figment of our imagination. This figment of our imagination resulted in us creating our Factor-x in the first place. Because we’re driven by our Factor-x, we do things not because they’re things we like doing, but to disprove something—and that something is a figment of our imagination, as seen in “Factor-x and How It Comes About.”
By living our lives to disprove that our Factor-x exists, we aren’t being ourselves, and when we aren’t being ourselves, we’re undermining ourselves: Rather than living our lives naturally and creatively, we live them inwardly and in “protectionist” mode. We thus don’t experience us—who we truly are—and neither does anyone else experience us, just our behavior based on our quest to disprove that our Factor-x exists.
This way of life can be compared to a fight. We’re in a fight with ourselves, thus in a fight with reality. We’re fighting to disprove something that doesn’t exist except in our minds, and that likely originated from a figment of our imagination. This is surely a path of destruction. We’re moving ourselves aside to disprove this thing referred to as Factor-x. By doing so, we’re almost certainly not creating but destroying—destroying ourselves.
This self-destruction isn’t limited to only us. While we’re exhibiting this behavior of disproving that our Factor-x exists, we’re radiating our self-destruction, and everyone around us experiences that self-destruction. Since they are likely also on a quest to disprove their Factor-x, then they’re almost certainly also exhibiting that same selfdestructive behavior. So it’s a vicious circle where no one wins. Everyone is seemingly self-destructing—or to put it a less-harsh way, self-suffocating or self-smothering.
Whatever the term, while we’re on a quest to disprove that our Factor-x exists, we aren’t being ourselves. When in this mode, we don’t care what we do to ourselves or what we do to others. All that’s important to us while Factor-x reigns is that we disprove our belief in the existence of Factor-x.
A first-choice existence means that we live our lives as intended, free and doing the things we like doing. In a first-choice existence, we experience ourselves, and those around us experience us perhaps very differently from what we and others might be used to, but nevertheless sincerely ourselves. In this state, the behavior we exhibit is based on our integrity—naturally and automatically.
By living your life with integrity, there is no fight. You’re not disproving anything. You’re merely living freely and almost certainly creating an authentic existence. You radiate this creation through your actions. You aren’t driven, but are merely living from inner peace while walking your own path and liking the things you do. You aren’t smothering yourself; you aren’t destroying yourself. On the contrary, you’re living your creation. And it’s highly likely that you’re flourishing in the process, radiating your meaning instinctively and automatically.
By “instinctively” and “automatically,” I mean this: When living a first-choice existence, we recognize ourselves first. It’s automatic that we don’t impose ourselves on anyone else. We can also recognize when someone who doesn’t recognize themself imposes themself on us. In a first-choice existence, we don’t do anything to another person that we wouldn’t like done to us. Through our respect for ourselves and our integrity, we respect everyone and everything, starting with ourselves. We live our inner beauty automatically almost all of the time. (Almost all of the time because, from time to time, our Factor-x will be there to trip us up, and we’ll momentarily want to disprove the existence of our Factor-x.)
When you’re living your integrity as a first-choice existence, it isn’t about lip service. It’s real. Not forced, but rather an automatic and intuitive way of life. Your own path and meaning are what underpin your behavior, and you are creating, not destroying, in everything you do.