Let’s look at some of our behavior and explore what it provides us.
When we look at crutches as mentioned previously in “Forms of Crutches,” are they anything other than something for us to lean on: something that provides us with some form of security? If we were secure in ourselves, would we look externally for security? Then is it fair to say that crutches provide us with a false sense of security?
- Hoping and Wishing
A few questions.
……How much of what we do is done hoping and wishingfor a certain result?
……How much of what we do is to fill a certain need or particular needs?
……How many of these hopes are realized—how many of them materialize to give us security in our lives?
……When we look carefully at each of these situations where we do things, then hope and wish for a particular result,did we do them to provide us with some form of security?
……If we were really okay with ourselves, then would we want to do or have any of those things that provide us with supposed security?
Even so, consider how much of what we do in our everyday lives that might fall into this category: doing things for the security doing them supposedly provides us, perhaps much more than we realize or would like to admit. If this is the case, then just maybe we aren’t okay within ourselves.
Let’s consider the following behavior.
- Favoritism, Status and Wealth: Say we do something for someone else, perhaps to be in that person’s good graces. Then to be in that person’s good graces gives us something—most likely, some security.
Let’s look at another example. Say we accumulate wealth so we can consider ourselves as “having arrived” or to have status. Is this newly found status, or “having arrived,” not a form of making us feel secure? And again, if this is the case, then if we were already secure within ourselves, would we have pursued accumulating wealth?
- Association: Say we associate with a certain person because we feel that person understands us, and without that person, we wouldn’t have anyone else to associate with who understands us. Through this association, we feel secure within ourselves. Again, if we were already secure within ourselves, would we then have this association?
- Holding onto Things: Like associating with certain people, or our expensive house, luxurious car, or “status job.” Not just because we need those for what they are—for example, the car is for transportation—but for the security they provide us.
- Superstition: By doing things in a certain way, or wearing a certain item, or like sportsman who have certain rituals, superstition is likely to provide security.
- Wanting to Please: We might want to please a particular person or people in general, or even God, as a way of keeping us entrenched in their favor, or because this behavior makes others dependant on us. Again, we’re likely doing it for the security it provides.
- Brands, Image and Religion: We derive external security from having money, a particular partner, a certain job, specific clothing brands or jewelry; projecting a certain image, residing in a certain neighborhood, being part of a certain group, going to a certain school, belonging to a religion or a particular religious group, having membership in a certain organization, being married, having children, shopping at certain places.
- Status, Figure and Titles: In England we have a queen. How much of that is about status and image? In England, people are honored by decorating them with honorary titles. How much of that is also about status and image? And again, that status and image likely provides those receiving the honorary title with security. But if those people were already secure within themselves, would they be looking for security outside themselves?
- Wanting Things Done for Us by Spouse, Partner or Children: When we expect our spouses, partners or children (if we have them) to do things for us, aside from the daily “share the load” chores we’d rather not do ourselves—and we sulk or morally blackmail them if they don’t do what we want them to do, do we do this because we feel we deserve it, or to feel powerful or wanted? If we do this, are we not manipulating them to do things for us, thereby enforcing our importance on them? Is the importance we derive not giving us a false sense of security? If we already felt our inner security and power, would we then need to derive it externally by forcing our importance on spouses, partners or children?
- Looking for Signs: When we find ourselves in a position of making decisions, especially those that aren’t easy and straightforward: Do we look for signs, whether minor or major, to help us make the decision . . . to bring meaning so we can make the decision? If we were living our meaning, if we were secure in ourselves, wouldn’t we likely make the decision by ourselves? If we did, irrespective of how it turned out, we would stand by it. After all, it was our decision.
- Being Spiteful: Sometimes we feel like being spiteful, or we’re treated in a spiteful way. Is this anything other than the person being spiteful, being in a position of power at that time for some reason, and then exerting that power by being spiteful? The momentary-power position likely gives us (or them) a sense of security. If that were the case, and it is likely the case—if we’re already experiencing our own inner security and our own inner power, then would there be any need to be spiteful? Does being spiteful then not give us a false sense of security?
- Working Well Under Pressures of Deadlines: Why do we like working under pressure to meet deadlines? Those of us who struggle to make decisions likely struggle because we could be wrong, and if we’re wrong, that would put us in the spotlight—and this is, of course, food for our Factor-x. As a result, we usually refrain from making decisions. Under the pressures of deadlines, when something goes wrong, we can blame the deadline. Under a pressing deadline, we feel it’s okay to make decisions and to be assertive. If problems arise, we can blame the deadline. However, if we were already strong and secure within ourselves, wouldn’t we work without deadlines and enjoy what we’re doing much, much more? And we might even stay away from tasks where deadlines are the order of the day.
- Promises: Do we make promises from time to time? First, as you will read about later in “Expectations: Frustration, Anger and Irritation,” promises are about expectations. Second, promises give some form of relief, and that relief, in turn, gives us a feeling, however fleeting, that we’re secure from the threat of consequences for which we made the promise. But it seems that it’s the same as before—if we were already secure within ourselves, the promise, which also sets us up for expectations, would possibly not be necessary.
These are merely some examples. The list could probably wrap the Earth—even be boring in its extent.
Consider this statement: Well, if I’m doing all these things for the security they provide me, and in the event I find my own security—which when found, I’d find within myself—then surely doing things like associating with certain people or things or having superstitions provides a false sense of security.
Again, if we were secure within ourselves, would we seek security externally? If we were secure within ourselves, would we want to be doing or having these things for the supposed security they provide us? Highly unlikely.
The bigger questions are:
How much of our lives consist of relying on a false sense of security?
Even more important, are we even aware that this pattern exists in our lives?
Also, if we lived from our own inner security, then how different would our lives be?
Taking it even further, when humankind realizes this and we—each individual making up humankind—start living our lives from our own inner security, then how much different will our lives be? How different would the things be that you undertake in your life? How different would your behavior be? How different would your experiences be? How different would humankind’s behavior be?
When we do things that are unrelated to gaining a false sense of security, we’d most probably be doing very different things with our lives. It is most probably unimaginable what our lives would be like.
The main thing is to become aware that you likely have and live this pattern of looking for security in many things outside of yourself. Yet when you do find security, you will find that it already exists within you, albeit dormant—in a sort of winter sleep—for all this time, possibly even for your whole life.
Why are these activities that provide us with security necessary? Most probably because they add some value to our lives. However, the question remains, do they really add value? Or is this value merely based on some perception not based on reality?
Whatever you or I do to provide us with external security, when we lose it, we’re likely to feel devastation. Our lives could even fall apart. As a result, we’d feel lost. We’d struggle to find our feet. We might even become suicidal.
When our pillar/s of strength wobbles for whatever reason, and a particular activity or activities which we lean on for security changes or disappears, or when we cannot rely on our pillar/s of strength anymore, it’s likely that our lives become threatened and possibly even become meaningless.
Should this happen to you, is this not clear indication that these things didn’t really serve you? That they instead provided you with a false sense of security, which you wouldn’t have needed if you uncovered your own inner security?