Taking A Closer Look At: Failing Intimate Relationships

Written by: Emmanuel

By liking what we do and living our meaning, we're in harmony with everyone and everything. Emmanuel van der Meulen. CEO, Peace Evolution.

Published: November 16, 2020

Our intimate relationships usually run into hurdles after the first few weeks or months.

Failing Intimate Relationships Appear

Usually, after what’s known as the honeymoon phase (the initial phase when the relationship is new), things start going awry.

Why do failing intimate relationships appear?

During the honeymoon phase, both parties are relaxed and each gets undivided attention from the other. The physical intimacy is uninhibited and for both, it’s a feeling of euphoria.

Then after a while, one person or both gets disgruntled, usually about something in the other’s behavior that offends. This is then the beginning of failing intimate relationships.

Why is it that we then don’t like what we experience? It affects us. Then because we don’t like their behavior we set out to change them. And this is the start of the blockages in the relationship. And the hurdles come one after the other. And the relationship which at first worked stops working. The failing relationships commence at different times, for different couples.

blue and silver floral ring | failing intimate relationships | Peace EvolutionOn the one hand, the relationship worked. Then we see behavior we’d rather not have, and the relationship, like all those before it, is at the risk of coming to an end.

We Don’t Enjoy Failing Intimate Relationships

We might be undecided, for whatever reason, in undertaking life awareness coaching – we might not have the funds, we might be in denial, we might not see the facts as they are or we might still be angry and desperately unhappy.

What are we to do in the meantime about our failing intimate relationships?

These points are important:

1. Acknowledge that hurdles exist. That we want our partner to change their behavior; that while we were in the honeymoon phase of the relationship, we overlooked the offending behavior. It doesn’t matter why. Merely acknowledge the pattern of failing intimate relationships.

2. Acknowledge further that the hurdles make us desperately unhappy. It makes us unhappy enough to become angry, irritable, frustrated, and even leave the relationship.

Further important ones:

3. Acknowledge further that we need our partner to behave in a certain way so we are okay. Take note, we might even have told a friend or colleague, or family member about our partner’s behavior.

4. Acknowledge further that we have no inkling of the dynamics at play, but we recognize that our partner’s behavior whether favorable or not should not result in us being okay or not. The reality is that we should be okay, already, either way, irrespective of what transpires in our lives. We might not accept this assertion, or know how to live in such a way, yet at least as a start, acknowledge the dynamic.


As we proceed with our lives, related to failing intimate relationships, we eventually doubt ourselves. We withdraw or bounce from one relationship to the other. We refine our patterns, behavior, and habits and do what we read in books of how we should behave. We may even go for relationship therapy.

When we are alone, we may feel lonely. We may do whatever it takes just to not be alone. A consequence, in general of our behavior, is Not Recognizing Our Flight to Crutches as seen here: Relationships-and-People Dependencies.

In How to Recognize and Work Through Emotional Dependency, the author writes: Most romantic partners depend on each other to some extent. But when you need your partner to meet all of your emotional needs, you’re probably not doing much to meet those needs on your own.

We do not necessarily need to do anything about the discovery of this behavior. What we do need to do though, is acknowledge this behavior. That is a start and the beginning of remedying failing intimate relationships.

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