In the series ‘Taking a Closer Look‘ there are several references made to the role that the circumstances and the fear of the possible consequences play in our lives.
And how these prevent us from living our natural lives and that it causes our inner conflicts and agony.
And references are made to how these dictate the direction of our lives.
Hostage To Possible Consequences
With our circumstances and the possible consequences keeping us hostage, and this being a reflection of our level of maturity and our lack of self-confidence; how are we to live our lives while these dynamics are at play? How do we know which way to turn; which choices to make?
Keeping in mind we have never before now been exposed to these perspectives! As seen in this series ‘Taking a Closer Look‘, these dynamics form an integral part of our lives. The new perspective: Our lives are governed by our circumstances and the fear of the possible consequences.
How do we get out of this life maze?
First, we need to stand back. Then take a close look at our lives to see why and how we created and perpetuate the maze.
Thirdly, we need to ask ourselves: What would we want moment for moment instead of allowing the circumstances and our fear of the possible consequences to dictate the flow of our lives? The latter is another and important new dynamic.
The next new dynamic is: We’re not consciously aware that we know what we want instead. Fact is we do. We’ve always known. Always!
Let’s take an example in our lives where inner turmoil or inner conflict exists. This manifests in a variety of ways. For instance: Like anger, irritation, frustration, wanting another person to change their behaviour, and so forth.
While inner conflict exists, the vital point is, inner peace is absent.
That is the crux.
Let’s look even closer. We’ve dissected the aforementioned to see the vital point: Inner peace is absent. Brought on by the possible consequences.
Are we brave enough to say, THAT is what we want? To have inner peace! At all times! Not sometimes, all the time?
Footnote: Inner peace is one experience. The same applies to happiness, harmony, security, contentment, respect and the like.
From above, we see we do know what we want: Inner peace!
What we didn’t know is that we know moment for moment what we want. For more, see Setting Yourself Free In 6 Steps.
Possible Consequences Agony
Let’s look at why we lose our inner peace.
In the main do we accept ourselves unconditionally? Do we accept that we are okay as we are? Do we believe we need external things for happiness, security, status, worthiness, contentment, etc.?
This is indeed the case, our need is impossible to resolve with external sources. We don’t need anything first to attain such. All that is required is that we accept ourselves unconditionally; thereby we unlock the values that already exist within us, that we usually seek externally.
Let’s take a traffic jam that irritates and frustrates us, even angers us. We can say: ‘We should not be in the traffic at that time.’ The fact of the matter is, we’re then creating circumstances to be okay: To maintain inner peace. That is merely treating the symptom and not addressing the cause of losing inner peace.
The cause is: We do not accept ourselves unconditionally. If we had, we’d accept the traffic jam. And take it in our stride. Even allow extra time so we’ll arrive in time.
Footnote: The traffic jam was an example. Our relationships have the same dynamic. We then want to change our partner or get out of the relationship. Neither addresses the cause. Once we accept ourselves unconditionally we’ll accept our partner too. Take any example where we lose our inner peace. The same dynamic applies.
Let’s look at why we do not accept ourselves unconditionally.
As a result of continuous instruction that we are given from birth, in an environment where we have little to no opportunity to explore our needs and wants – at a young age we start to develop a belief about ourselves, that goes something like this:
Surely the continuous instruction we’re given is because there is something wrong with us. The seed is thus planted and mistakenly we believe we cannot accept ourselves unconditionally.
This leads to us doing and wanting things to achieve favourable results. Thereby to be adjudged that we are good, or that nothing is wrong with us or that we are worthy.
From that point on we do not accept ourselves unconditionally.
We start measuring and adjudging ourselves based on favourable results.
And our life is driven by circumstances and the fear of the possible consequences.
Sad but true!
What are we to do?
Because what in fact is happening is: instead of us living our self-chosen lives, naturally, bringing our value to what we do, we instead live to prove our self-worth. There is no need for that.
Instead of living our inner beauty, we mistakenly believe we need to prove ourselves, even to ourselves.
This indicates our level of maturity, also our level of self-confidence.
This affects our inner peace too and gives us a limited quality of life.
How do we overcome this? The fear of the possible consequences?
How does this translate into us being irritable in traffic or getting angry at a neighbour’s inconsiderate behaviour or frustrated when things don’t go our way? Or when we do something we consider as having made ourselves look foolish?
Let’s take a closer look.
Accept Ourselves Unconditionally
While we don’t accept ourselves unconditionally, we also don’t accept anyone or anything unconditionally.
While we’re looking for value externally, we want favourable results.
While we’re afraid of the possible consequences and while our circumstances drive our lives, how do we break the cycle?
Firstly, acknowledge that we now see that we DO know what we want and that we see previously we didn’t know that we knew.
Acknowledge further that we want to live our purpose, even though we don’t know what our purpose is.
Acknowledge further that we recognize that living our purpose is a state of being and not something we do.
Acknowledge further that though we don’t know how, we want to know what our life purpose is.
Acknowledge further, we recognize, though not fully, why we’re not continuously content and living with inner peace.
Acknowledge further that even though we don’t know how, we want to make the shift to living our life of meaning and purpose and to living continuously with inner peace.
For more on this topic, see our collection of articles here Set The Tone For Your Life Meaning Today.
In Is Fear Affecting Your Decision-Making? the author shares a moment in his life: So what? What’s the worst that can happen? So I don’t retire young. Big deal. I’ve got at least another decade, maybe two, of earning potential. I’ll make the money back or die trying.